not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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