Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
