Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
