oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I need water and some morals
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
