my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
