"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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