Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
