That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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