I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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