Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
