I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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