I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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