Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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