i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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