I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
last night I used snow as a chaser
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