first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
