Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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