i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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