hell yes lets make some ravioli
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
