It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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