last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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