My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
