After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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