If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
