I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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