There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
