Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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