I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
whose parrot is this?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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