god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
