Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
