hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
