So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
