I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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