just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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