if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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