you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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