Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
