I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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