I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
