i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
