i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
