At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
