They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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