I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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