is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
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