i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
