i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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