Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i was born a porn star she said
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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