Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
