I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
