Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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