I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
