And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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