Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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