OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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