he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
