Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
