After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
