I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
