So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
