hotel room ftw
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
