She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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