You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
