My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
