please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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