so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
