i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
