i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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