i think my tv is drunk
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
