She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
