I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
