you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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