i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
