dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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